|Edward Cullen VS Abraham Lincoln|
|Season 1, Episode 6|
|Air date||June 23, 2015|
|Steve VS Transformouse||Griffith VS Doctor Doom|
Twilight VS Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter! Who will win? Will Edward survive the hunt? Or will Lincoln become the hunted?
Myth: Vampires. These deadly creatures of the night are known for their bat-like abilities and sucking your blood.
Soul: However, their are men that walk out into the world and hunt these bastards... and today? We have just that. Vampire VS Vampire Hunter.
Myth: Edward Cullen, the vampire...
Soul: And Abraham Lincoln, the vampire hunter.
Myth: I'm Myth, hes Soul and were here to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win...
Soul: A FATAL FICTION!
Edward Cullen Edit
- First Appearance: "Twilight" (2008)
- Age: 17 (since 1918)
- Height: 6'2”
- Species: Vampire
- Occupation: Student
- Theme: Edward Cullen - Bella's Lullaby
- Defeated feral vampire, James
- Saved Bella Swann time after time
- Single handedly destroyed vampire literature for about a decade
Myth: Well... time to talk about... Twilight-
Soul: Good luck! Bye!
Myth: NO WAI-
Door shuts as Soul leaves
Myth: Oh... well fuck. Anyways... ahem. Edward Cullen was originally born hundreds of years ago in Chicago-
Soul: OK, came back just to make a quick pot-shot. Hes dating Bella who is like, seventeen and hes hundreds of years old? What?! Anyways... I'M OUT.
Door slams shut as Soul leaves... again
Myth: OK, great. I'm all alone. With Edward fucking Cullen. End me. Anyways, he was going to die... but then Carlisle Cullen came in and was like, "Imma bite you." And Cullen was all like, "K." and then he was a vampire. Later on, Cullen was born into a new family and basically started... a new life... until he left them because hes an edgy mothertrucka. After the family expanded, he found himself in love with Bella Swan... which is technically incest. Jesus Christ. This fucking story.
VAMPIRE ABILITIES Edit
Virtually indestructible Edit
- Skin is stronger than diamonds
- Can be dismembered by werewolves or other vampires
Superhuman Speed Edit
- Fastest in the Cullen coven
- Arguably his greatest asset
- Incredibly sharp senses
Superhuman strength Edit
- Can stop a speeding car with one hand
- Occasionally sent Bella into a daze because of this
Myth: Cullen is - sadly - superhuman. He can tank hits from werewolves without instantly falling apart and his speed? Fastest guy in the Cullen family. Strength-wise, he can stop a car.
- His gift when becoming a vampire
- Able to read minds of other people
- Stronger than the Volturi, Aro's
- Can read minds from a distance
- Can hear what they're thinking at the moment
- Stronger the closer and more familiar he is with them
- Doesn't work on Bella
Myth: He also has telepathy. He can read the minds of people from a distance. So theres that going for him.
- Kind of an idiot
- Tried killing himself when he assumed that Bella was dead
- Can be dismembered
- Burning him can kill him
- Telepathic powers only seem to work when the plot needs them to
Myth: Edward is not perfect- well, holy shit. Were already at weaknesses?! That was quick. Thank God. YO! SOUL! WERE AT EDWARD'S WEAKNESSES!
Door busts down with Soul walking through Soul: OK, lemme take this away! Ahem... Edward is a fucking moron! Like Romeo, he tried killin' himself when he thought Bella was dead. Like, at least check with a doctor, dude. Burning him kills him... and he should have your average vampire weaknesses.
Myth: Still... Edward... God, I hate how we have to say something positive about him at the end of these.
Soul: I got it! Edward Cullen may suck dick but hes strong... so there's that.
Edward Cullen: "...and so the Lion fell in love with the Lamb."
Abraham Lincoln Edit
- First Appearance: "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" (2012)
- Alignment: Good
- Occupation: Vampire Hunter, President of The United States
- Theme: Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter - The Rampant Hunter
- Has fought countless vampires
- Was trained by Henry Sturges in the art of vampire hunting
- Killed Jack Barts, the vampire who killed his mother
- Killed Adam
- Outsmarted a gang of vampires
Myth: OK, here we go!
Soul: Good God... Abraham, please wreck this bitch.
Myth: Ahem... no bias allowed - as much as Cullen sucks - so we must give each combatant a chance.
Soul: AH, FUCKIN' HELL.
Myth: Anyways, at a young age, Abraham Lincoln witnessed his own mother... die to the hands of a vampire. Even as he grew up, Abraham was still rather angry about this.
Soul: When suddenly, he found his mother's killer and shot him dead... oh wait, he lived and revealed he was a vampire.
Myth: After getting overpowered by Barts the vampire, Lincoln seemed dead...
Soul: Until Henry Sturges showed up and...
Soul: THREW THE FUCKER LIKE THAT!
Myth: Sadly, Barts lived... but Abraham asked for Henry's help in the art of vampire hunting. Sturges accepted and thus, Lincoln became a legendary vampire hunter.
Soul: Abraham Lincoln. A vampire hunter. Life status | COMPLETE.
Superhuman strength Edit
- Managed to overpower Jack Barts in a fight
- Jack Barts can throw horses with his bare hands
- Managed to also fight Henry Sturges who could toss a vampire up a barn
- Punched a hole through Adam's chest who can tank blows from Henry Sturges
Superhuman durability Edit
- Tanked blows from Adam
- Adam can outmatch Henry Sturges who can lift Train coaches and throw a vampire up the side of a barn
Superhuman speed and reactions Edit
- Reacted to attacks from multiple vampires at once
- Bullet-timed... maybe?
Myth: In terms of physicality, Abraham can keep up with vampires that can kick polls and - as we just showed - throw you up a barn... and even hold up a stage coach from a train! On top of that, he can tank attacks from those same vampires.
Soul: Speed-wise? He can keep up with tons of vampires... and possibly bullet-timed? Maybe? I dunno.
Intelligence and Skills Edit
- Expert at hunting vampires
- Uses bits of dust to throw at vampires and use it to find them, even when they're invisible
- Intelligent at using the environment to get the kill
- More than capable of using guns if there in the area
- Tries to disable weapons of opponents when up-close
Myth: Abraham is a surprising genius in a fight.
Soul: He knows how to fight up-close, attempting to disable opponents of their weapons. And if guns are around? No worries, Abe's got it covered. He can handle them, aiming with precise shots and killing guys like its no problem.
- Works like a regular axe
- Can cut down large trees with relative ease
- Has silver coated on the tip of it
- Can one-shot some vampires
- Has a gun secretly in it
- Used for killing vampires
- Many different types ranging from watches to forks to spoons
- Used for keeping track of invisible enemies by sticking to them
- Used by throwing
- Technically, whatevers around him
Myth: Lincoln's main weapon of choice... is his axe. Its definitely more sturdy than an ordinary axe... and it can even one-shot a tree but this bad boy has silver coated on it, perfect for slaying vampires.
Soul: In the axe is a gun, perfect for getting in sneaky kills. On top of that, he has... silver for killing vampires. His dust can blind opponents or keep track of them and lastly? His final weapon is... whatever's around him!
- Not all of his time is spent on combat
- Mostly relies on his axe
- A tad bit emotionally scarred
- Sometimes survives only thanks to luck
- Uses outside help sometimes
Myth: He has weaknesses-
Soul: Abraham Lincoln is perfect-
Myth: He usually survives via luck and - thanks to a vampire killing his mother - he is emotionally scarred.
Soul: Regardless, despite focusing his life mostly on politics, Abraham is a badass. If he wants to, he can pick up that axe and take it for a good old swing. Vampires everywhere... beware THIS President.
Abraham Lincoln: "A wise man once taught me... always have a contingency plan."
Fatal Fiction Edit
Myth: Alright, the combatants are set... lets end this debate once and for all.
Soul: Time for a Fatal Fiction!
Nighttime, dark forest
A man with pale-looking skin, sharp teeth and brown hair looked over to see his loved one, Bella Swan, running in absolute horror. Cullen grabbed her and looked her in the eyes. "Why are you running?! What's wrong?!"
"E-Edward, we need to get away from here as fast as possible. I-I'm being chased... were being chased." Bella explained in a hurry... and then the sound of something flying through the air rang in Edward's ears.
He looked down at Bella. There it was. A stake. It was speared directly into her head. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she fell to the ground. Edward's eyes widened in horror...
"No... no... no... NO... NO... NONONONONONONONONONO-"
Cullen stopped looking at Bella's corpse and looked up to see... and man with a black top hat, a beard, a suit and an axe. It was none other than Abraham Lincoln. Cullen put two and two together...
Lincoln had killed Bella.
Cullen had a choice... fight... or run. He took deep breaths as his mind went over the two options...
But Lincoln's thoughts? They were simple. He wanted to...
Lincoln dashed forward and swung his axe downward! Cullen swiftly dodged the strike and was now at Abraham's side. He pulled back a fist... and punched Abraham in the side, slightly staggering him.
Lincoln kept swinging his axe, still hoping to land a blow but Edward was no slouch. He dodged the slashes with ease. Abe swung upwards only for Cullen to lean back and dodge the strike-
In response, however, the president simply kicked Cullen hard enough for him to fall on his back. The vampire rolled into a ball and quickly stood back up. He threw fist forward-
Only for Lincoln to catch the fist and headbutt the vampire! Cullen staggered back... only to pull back another fist and punch forward! What happened? Simple. Lincoln caught the fist and kneed him in the face. Edward staggered back again... and realized he couldn't fight this guy up-close... so instead?
He turned away and began running from Abraham. He needed time to think...
Lincoln was no slouch and he dashed forward! No vampire would escape him. The two ran through the woods, dodging some trees. Edward turned around to see Abe holding his axe over his head, ready to kill. Cullen looked forward-
And got smacked by a tree branch. It nearly knocked him over but he regained his vision quickly. He darted to the left quickly, catching Abraham off guard from the sudden change in directions. He turned to see-
Nothing. Nothing was there. The bastard vampire was hiding. He took his time, slowly taking steps hoping not to bump into Edward at the wrong time. It could cost him his life.
Little did he know, however, Cullen was only hiding behind a simple tree. The vampire looked closely at Abe's head... and began looking through it. He was reading his mind.
What he learned quickly made him hop up. Now he knew of Abe's next strategy.
Lincoln quickly darted his head towards a tree... stepped towards it and swung his axe. The tree immediately broke apart and it came crashing down!
Sadly, no Edward in sight.
The president rolled his eyes... and then began swinging like a madman at each tree in sight.
Edward looked back and noticed the trees falling like dominos. He ran away-
And saw an opening in the woods. Lincoln turned his head and saw Edward running away towards the opening. To say that Lincoln let out a battle cry would be an understatement. It was more like thousands of men had lined up to roar furiously to show how powerful they were.
Edward ran through the opening and so did Lincoln.
When they came out to the opening, they saw a barn. Edward thought fast and noticed... a herd of horses.
Cullen quickly darted towards the gate leading to the horses and opened it. Lincoln experienced a sense of Deja Vu right there as he ran into the field of horses. The horses peacefully grazed on the grass below.
The peace would soon end.
Cullen ran up to one horse, reeled back his foot and kicked it hard enough to knock it off of its feet! It slammed into another horse which reacted by simply raising its hooves, neighing as loud as it could and dashing away! This alerted the rest of the crowd of horses and suddenly... a stampede happened.
The horses ran wild. For Lincoln, only a few seconds ago, Cullen was a few feet away. Now he couldn't see him. At all. Thinking fast, the vampire hunter jumped at the nearest horse and climbed up him! He looked through the crowd of horses...
And saw Edward hopping from horse to horse. Abe quickly began jumping from horse to horse. He would not fail his mission. The vampire hunter reached into his pockets... and grabbed some dust. He threw it forward and it scattered across the grass below... and it landed right beneath Cullen's horse. The dust caused the horse to fall over.
Oh no. Cullen thought to himself. He hit the ground with a thud and broken bones. The injury was painful but Cullen needed to stand up, nonetheless. He turned to see... Abraham VERY, very close. His response? He turned... grabbed a horse and lifted it over his head. The sight amazed Lincoln as the vampire threw the horse at him!
The wind was knocked out of Abraham's body almost instantly. He flew back and upon landing, the very same horse was on top of him. It flailed madly, trying to get up. Lincoln decided to help it... by lifting it and shoving it off. He climbed up another stampeding horse and looked forward to see among the herd, Cullen in the middle. He jumped from horse to horse, getting closer and closer.
Edward Cullen turned around to see Abe approaching. Wasn't having that. He - once again - grabbed onto one of the horses and threw it at Lincoln! Abraham looked at the oncoming horse but what he saw was a challenge. He readied his axe... and jumped forward. The horse's eyes widened in pure terror. It knew what the president was doing. The axe came down...
And split the horse in two, causing blood and some organs to fly around. Lincoln landed, covered in horse blood. All of the horses around him ran away, fearing the man. He looked forward and dashed at Edward. The vampire's jaw was still dropped from the horse split... but he still had enough time to run.
Cullen dashed through the horse herd once more... and that's when he saw clearing. He ran through it and was finally outside of the barn. All of the horses were gone... but he heard one of them trotting right for him. He turned... to see Abraham riding it, ready to cut his bloody head off!
Lincoln swung his axe downward, almost taking Cullen's head off. Ed ran. He ran as fast as possible. The horse was gaining on him-
The vampire hunter had caught up with him and kicked him onto his back! The vampire stood up only to dodge a close slash from Abe's axe! He regained balance... but this time? He was ready. The horse came directly at him... he readied his arms...
And stopped the horse dead in its tracks by grabbing it with his bare hands! He lifted it over his head... and with a mighty push of strength, he threw both the horse and Lincoln sky-high! The two came falling back down... but the president was far from finished. His axe came down... and... missed Cullen.
The vampire simply kicked Lincoln. Directly in the jaw. He fell back onto his now dead horse. Much to his dismay, Cullen picked up his axe, raised it above his head and brought it down onto Lincoln-
Abe caught the axe and began pulling it out of Edward's hands! Cullen pulled back, trying to pry it out of-
The sound of a gun loading filled the air.
Cullen looked down. And saw a gun pointed right at his face.
The bullet flew up and directly into Edward Cullen's eyes!
(Cues: Unknown Theme)
Edward roared in pain as he fell on his back. Now blinded in one eye, his only luck was fighting with his remaining eyeball to see things.
Abraham stood up and twirled his axe.
"...I think were done here..."
He raised it over his head-
Only to see Edward stand up and... once again, run. Lincoln rolled his eyes. This again?!
He dashed straight into the forest and Abraham followed. In there, he saw Cullen dash behind a tree. Abraham simply walked over to the tree and stood behind it, awaiting the vampire's next move.
Strangely enough? Cullen spoke.
"I know you have silver... why aren't you using it to end me?"
Abraham was caught by surprise... but it was time to end this.
"Where is it... wheres your silver?!" Edward yelled, dashing behind the tree and striking at Abe-
He wasn't there.
He turned to see Lincoln holding... a silver watch in his hand...
The fist rammed through Cullen's chest. Blood was leaking from Ed's chest. Abe pulled the watch out of the vampire's chest. As Ed's eyes rolled to the back of his head, he thought...
He couldn't save Bella. He couldn't even avenge her. He failed. His last words were simple...
His body crashed to the floor, dead.
Lincoln looked at Cullen's corpse... and then pulled out a shovel. It was time to dig a grave.
Soul: I don't know what to be happier about... Abraham winning or Edward dying.
Myth: This fight was surprisingly close. Abraham was stronger but Edward was faster. Lincoln was more durable but Cullen could read minds. Ultimately? It came down to a close-ranged battle.
Soul: Up-close, not only would Lincoln's strength allow him to dominate for the most part but combined with his silver - made to kill vampires - and his overall combat skills up-close allowed him to dominate Cullen.
Myth: Also, Lincoln fights vampires on a daily basis... Cullen wouldn't just be a typical vampire that Abe fights but a weaker one.
Soul: Exactly! Abraham Lincoln was capable of taking blows and hurting Adam. Adam is easily stronger than Henry Sturges who can...
Soul: Throw people up barns...
Soul: And hold up the coach of a train with one hand while INJURED. And Abraham Lincoln beat a guy stronger than him!
Myth: Also, the mind-read? Somewhat useful but overall? Not insanely useful. Sure, he could potentially read Lincoln's mind but here's the thing... its unknown if Edward would even apply it to combat.
Soul: In the end, Abraham served Cullen on a silver platter.
Myth: The winner is Abraham Lincoln.
--- --- ---
EDWARD CULLEN - LOSER
- +Faster than his opponent
- +Mind read could be useful
- -Not as strong
- -Lost in close quarters
ABRAHAM LINCOLN - WINNER
- +Experience hunting vampires helped out
- +Smarter fighter
- +Stronger and more durable
- +Superior close quarters combatant
Abraham kept shoveling, pulling more and more bits of dirt from the ground.
The grave was dug and he lightly pushed Edward's corpse in it. He filled the grave up with dirt and like that, it was over.
- The-Myth-Of-Legends states his comments about this match-up: To be honest, this was originally made just so I could give Lincoln a win since he's awesome. It was going to be a joke fight... then I realized that Edward Cullen might actually win. So, I made it into a serious match-up. As I watched through Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, I realized that Lincoln was actually weaker. It was then I realized that he would lose to Cullen... and then? Something awesome happened. A building level feat. From then on out, it became pretty clear to me that Abraham would win but not outright stomp. As for writing it? Didn't have too much fun. Why? The two barely had many attacks to use. Towards the end, I felt like if I kept writing, I'd be repeating what they'd be doing over and over so I decided to just end the fight. I still think its a good match but its not as good as I hoped.
- Abraham Lincoln cutting in half a horse was semi-inspired by Raiden from Metal Gear and all the crazy stuff he does.
- Originally, I considered having Abraham Lincoln kill Dio Brando in the intro but I decided against it as it seemed a bit random.